Why do children in the Netherlands become independent at such an early age?
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In the Netherlands, children learn to make their own choices and form their own opinions from an early age. For parents who are new to the Netherlands, this can sometimes be different from what they are used to. In this article, you can read about how parents and children interact in the Netherlands, and where this approach to parenting comes from.
What do you see in everyday life?
Children in the Netherlands are given a great deal of freedom from an early age. Here are a few examples:
From around the age of 7 or 8, children cycle to school on their own.
In some families, a child aged 5 or 6 is already allowed to have a
In the final year of
From a young age, children are often allowed to have a say in what they wear or eat. Many parents give their child a choice between two options.
Many children receive pocket money every week. It is a small amount each week. This helps them learn how to manage their money.
Parents and children talk to each other
Many Dutch parents see their child as an individual. They listen to what their child has to say. At the dinner table, parents often ask: ‘What do you think?’ or ‘How are you feeling?’ Even young children are encouraged to give their answers.
Parents do not just tell their child what to do. They also explain why. They want their child to understand, not just to listen. For many Dutch parents, this is a key aim of parenting: to help their child learn to think for themselves and make their own choices.
Where does this approach to parenting come from?
This approach to parenting is not unique to the Netherlands. In countries such as Germany, Sweden, Denmark and Norway, too, children are given a great deal of freedom from an early age. It is therefore common in Northern and Western Europe
Nevertheless, there are a few aspects of Dutch history that play a part in this.
The polder
The Netherlands is a country with a lot of water. In the past, people had to work together to keep the water at bay. Otherwise, the water would flood the land. In every village, farmers and ordinary people had to consult with one another. Everyone had to have a say. This is known as the
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A long time ago, the Netherlands was largely
The 1960s and beyond
Around 60 years ago, much of Europe underwent rapid change, including the Netherlands. Young people wanted to live more freely. They no longer accepted that their parents, their teachers or the church should dictate everything. Following this period, parenting styles in the Netherlands also began to change gradually. A new generation of parents adopted a different approach to their children. They talked and explained more, and gave fewer orders. They listened to what their children were thinking and feeling.
At school, children learn to think for themselves
In Dutch schools, you can also see how much freedom children have. The teacher doesn’t just tell the child what to learn. He or she asks the child: ‘What do you think?’ Children are allowed to ask questions, even about things the teacher says. This is normal. It is not anti-social behaviour.
In the Netherlands, there are also special types of schools, such as
Would you like to read more about the different types of education?
Trusting children is important
Behind children’s freedom lies one key idea: parents trust their child. They believe the child is capable. The child can ride a bike on their own. The child can make their own choices. The child can think for themselves.
You may not be familiar with this from your own childhood. Not every Dutch parent does this in the same way. There are also strict families in the Netherlands. But the idea is clear: in the Netherlands, children learn to make their own choices.